i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
