Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
