I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
