Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
