Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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