dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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