I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
