Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
