I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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