1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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