we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He passed out mid-signature
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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