I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
