I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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