There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
