when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
