I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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