Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
