Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
