then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
