I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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