Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
