Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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