i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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