I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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