when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
