i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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