Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
