so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize