I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
