she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
