Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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