Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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