what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
