woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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