Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
