Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize