thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
