That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
