I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize