I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i out mim tonsoeep
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