somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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