Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
