I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I will pee on everything he values.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have already put on my inside pants.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
