dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
