No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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