Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
