Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
