She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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