and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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