My room smells like vodka and shame
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
