Umm I'm too high to move.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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