I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
