If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
