I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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