I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
