I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pants are for mortals
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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