If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
