so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
