biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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