you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
