nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
