East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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