Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
