I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
