ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I will be naked everywhere
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
