his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
