Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
