Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize