that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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