I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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