You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
