Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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