I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
