I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
