There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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