All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
