I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
