Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize