I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
