So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
