yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
