I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
