Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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