Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
