Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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