After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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