She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
