just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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