This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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