All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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