i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
