I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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