All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
