he puts the penis in happiness.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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