Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
