My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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