i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
