then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
