yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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