so explain again why im purple
no
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
