remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize